I go back and forth from feeling like I just found out I was pregnant, to feeling like I’ve been pregnant forever and cannot believe I still have two and a half more months before I get to meet this little guy growing inside of me. I already love him so much. My favorite thing has been lying down on the couch watching him move my stomach around. So crazy! Who knows what the heck he is doing in there; it sure feels like cartwheels.
I want so badly to actually see the little feet and little hands that have been constantly drumming on my insides. I want to cuddle and kiss this sweet little boy who will look like me and Greg. And all at the same time - I feel on the brink of an anxiety attack because I’m scared out of my mind! Registering for our baby shower, I felt totally clueless as to what a newborn will need. Sure, I’ve babysat a million times, but all for children over the age of 6 months… I realize I have no idea how to care for an infant.
But, in the midst of my hormonal emotions of excitement and fear lies this amazing gift I have been given: the opportunity to put my complete trust in the Lord, the One who created my own life, and this life inside of me. I could read a hundred different books on what to expect, I could consult a hundred different mothers for advice, but in the end, each child and each parent and each situation is uniquely different for every family.
One of my very favorite Bible verses since I was younger echoes in my mind and my heart when I think about the effort, the exhaustion, the anxiety and more that will fill my days to come after my sweet little boy enters this world… "But those who trust in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31
Trusting produces strength. Because the Lord holds my heart and I trust in Him alone for guidance and provision, I will not grow weary. What amazing hope.
And now for a few funny highlights of my pregnancy thus far:
First telling people at work that I was pregnant and having a sweet little lady rub my stomach over and over while talking with her. It is interesting that I wasn't even showing at all, and the day before she didn't know I was pregnant, that kind of behavior would have been incredibly awkward - on her part. Regardless, it was all a little awkward for me.
When I transferred locations at work and was starting to finally show, having a random woman (I still am not sure what her name is), come up from behind me sitting at my desk and rub my belly to ask what I was having. It is still a bit strange to me that a complete stranger would want to touch someone's belly she's never met ever before. All this belly touching is definitely a new, sometimes awkward, experience!
Around the same time I started to show, greeting my sister at my parents house and having her pull up my shirt unexpectedly so she could see my ever-growing belly. Ahh just the beginning of my farewell to modesty...
My trip to Target just today where I had an elderly woman ringing me up, asking me if it was okay to put two pops to a bag since it might be a little bit heavy. And then proceeding to tell me she knew it was a boy because I was carrying him so low. And then her story of how she bowled a 200 while pregnant, against the wishes of her doctor... all the while the people behind me are starting to look a little agitated that I have held up the line with such riveting conversation. :)
I'm certain there will be more to come!
And just because...
would you look at that beautiful spine?
I can't wait to meet you.
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