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My husband and I were just talking about 2011 and what a great year it has been. We've had a lot of firsts. Greg got a new job. We bought our first home. We got a new puppy. And we found out we are going to have a baby. Each one of these firsts is so great, but did not come to be without some hardships. Greg applied for a TON of jobs, and we waited for a really long time before he finally got this position. We thought we may have to move out of state. We looked and looked at hundreds of homes before finding ours. We thought we had found a house that was just for us, but they did not accept our offer. It was disappointing and frustrating. But literally a week later, we found our home that we love so much.
Our puppy we bought on a whim, not knowing anything about his breed. He's so cute, but he's so, so bad. He chews on EVERYTHING. He bites everyone. He digs up everything in our yard. He escapes out the front door. He harasses our poor cat. He peed on my parent's bed. He poops in his crate. He eats his poop. He's not affectionate. He does NOT listen. We've taught him sit, down, come, and stay. He really only sits consistently. Every other command he could care less about. Especially when we want him to come. He runs away instead. After watching Dogs 101 on Animal Planet about Shiba Inu's we found out they are not a good choice for first time dog owners, and they are extremely hard to train. Nice.
And now our sweet baby… we tried for a long time. More than a year. It was exhausting, disappointing, emotional, and so much more. Seeing negative on a pregnancy test over and over and over again hurts your heart. And I didn't really share with many people that we were trying, because the added expectation of others would just have made it that much worse. So I endured by myself. I had Greg right by my side, and most importantly, the Lord.
And I learned so much. I learned how to have patience for God's perfect timing. I learned to trust that the Lord had a plan for us for children, to trust that it would be beautiful no matter the outcome. I learned you can experience peace in a time of feeling totally blind in the dark and in the midst of confusion. And you know what, had I not had to go through over a year in this season of waiting, I wouldn't have been able to experience perfect peace, total reliance on God, and the beauty that is in the sunrise after a dark, dark night. My joy is so RICH after this season. The Lord always, always has something for us in hard times, in times of doubt, in times of confusion, in times of loneliness, in times of despair. My pregnancy is nothing short of a miracle. He is faithful to give us the desires of our hearts.
I got the new Rachael Lampa cd for Christmas, and I swear each song is a sound track to my life. One song in particular just makes me smile because it so wonderfully illustrates that beauty is only just a word without the pain, and it reminds me of times throughout this past year. You cannot truly appreciate beauty without the hardship. The Lord makes beautiful things out of the dust. So, that is how I measure my year. 2011, thank you for giving me lessons in trusting the Lord and for the beauty that is so rich in a life knowing Jesus.
Beauty's Just a Word - Rachael Lampa
Tick tock and the clock won't stop
You need more time but the curtain drops
Hanging by a thread, end of your rope you find hope
You fall just short of the finish line
Just like you've done time after time
And all that's left to lift you is your faith
You find grace
Raise your eyes so you can see
You're right where you're supposed to be
It's dark so you can see the light
And it's hard so you can know its right
And rain, nothing ever grows without you
Didn't think that the sun would rise
I kept confusing all the truth with lies
Something told me I could not let go, now I know
And holding on is gonna see you through
So don't let go no matter what you do
And love through the anger, love through the pain
Love through the storm, and love through the rain
It's dark so you can see the light
And it's hard so you can know its right
And pain, nothing ever grows without you
And hurt is just a chance to heal
And tears are just a call to feel
And pain, beauty's just a word without you
Beauty's just a word without you.
And the sun is breaking through the clouds
Can you feel it shining on you now
You were lost and now you are found
And don't forget no don't forget
